Looking Back on 2020

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve started looking back on 2020. There were things that were disappointing, frustrating, and angering, but Ian and I have found ourselves in a place to be grateful; we both still have our jobs, and we didn’t lose any close family members to Covid. (As a side note, my great-aunt Margaret did pass away from Covid on December 24^th, and we lost another friend this last week who died of a different cause. We have experienced sadness this year ourselves, but not in an earth-shattering way, and our hearts go out to those who experienced deep tragedy. We know first-hand what it is to lose one’s livelihood and to lose a family member to an early death, but those happened to us in other years.)

The difficulties and challenges we faced this year brought us closer to God and each other. I have often jokingly described this as a character-building year, which is an interesting phenomenon, because most of the experiences which have built up my faith and character I would never have chosen to go through, even with the promise of coming out a better, stronger person on the other side. And yet God uses those things to show me both His goodness and the kindness and the love of my fellow human beings. So I think that’s what it means to thank God IN all things, even when I can’t thank Him FOR all things.

In February of this year, Ian and I had attempted to give up some of our favorite things for Lent, but then after a couple weeks, both quit our fasts because they didn’t seem meaningful like they had the year before. We talked to each other about this strange failure of fasting to focus our attention on God, and then suddenly, in the middle of March, the world shut down and we were forced to give up most of the things that were filling our days. 

Ian traveled for work in 2019, I work full-time, and the girls are in school. We do a lot with our church. We have a lot of people in our lives whom we love very much and see often. These things are great, but by the end of 2019 I was burnt out from being busy. I missed my family deeply; I felt like I never had enough time with my daughters. Every commitment on the calendar felt like a burden, and yet it didn’t feel like there was anything we could cut out.

Then suddenly, Ian and I were both working from home and our girls were doing online school at home, and all calendar commitments disappeared. I was able to reconnect with my family in ways that were challenging and rewarding. I got to know my daughters’ scholastic abilities even better and taught them how to do certain chores, and enjoyed having amounts of time with them that I hadn’t had since they were very little. Ian and I grew closer by actually disagreeing about stuff and having to work through it together, no longer able to avoid spousal conflicts that were usually “resolved” by the fact that we were both out of the house so much.

I’ve tried to spend this year focusing on the silver linings. In 2019 I desired to have a better prayer life, and in 2020 I found myself with time to read the Bible more deeply and slowly, to read Prayer by Tim Keller, which had been on my reading list for a while, and to put into practice some of his tips on developing a prayer life. The restrictions of this year cut out many distractions, which helped me invest more effort into my relationship with God. I can honestly say that God has been with me all of 2020; I have felt His peace on me in times of gratitude, fear, uncertainty, anger, unrest, and amazement at both the best and worst of humanity.

Back in March and April, I remember watching (online) in wonder as parts of the planet started to heal, the water and air cleaning themselves up through natural mechanisms when travel was shut down; as families suddenly had more time together, and as people were kinder to each other online and expressed appreciation for doctors, nurses, teachers, and grocery-store employees. 

Even when things got extremely ugly, when George Floyd was killed, I watched as people had both the time and a lack of distractions to push for greater change in societal racism, and people who had denied its continued existence in the United States recognized it as more extensive and insidious than they had thought. There is a new push for racial unity and reconciliation within the church which I have not seen in the past.

All the things that had taken up so much time were gone, and we appreciated more the few things that remained. We talked to family members on the phone and live-streamed church (I honestly remember a thrill of joy at seeing my pastor’s face and the building behind him—FINALLY!—after what was actually only the first week of quarantine). We had time to read books and do puzzles. Getting a haircut or ordering take-out suddenly became more meaningful when local community members’ livelihoods depended on it. I gained a new appreciation for things I had taken for granted before: the joy of a face-to-face conversation with a friend, better on FaceTime or Zoom than on the phone and better in person than on Zoom. Now I love seeing entire faces when possible, uncovered by masks. I have a new appreciation for a loud classroom full of talking students, because these days my students are few, are separated by six feet of empty space, are mostly silent. 

I am waiting for the world to go back to normal because of these things that I miss. I can’t wait to have all the people I love over to my house for a barbecue once this is all past us, though I wonder how long it will take before most people feel comfortable with large gatherings again. I have friends who can’t wait to get back to concerts, and others who can’t wait to get back to sporting events, and others who can’t wait to travel whenever and wherever. Honestly, what I am looking forward to the most is being able to play interactive, no-distance, community-building games with my students. Yet I recognize that even though these things are good, they are luxuries. Some people have much greater needs for a more normal society; the drop in reporting for child abuse troubles me, as does the lack of community and community resources for addicts. Privately, I mourn for all the people whose 2020 has been much worse than mine. 

Lent, in the past, has helped focus my attention on God and on my dependence upon Him, and this year I am seeing some of the similar side-effects to what happens when I fast during Lent. I have a new appreciation for things I take for granted, simply because I can’t have them. I pray more and turn to God when I realize my lack of control over the world around me. Sometimes, in moments of desperately missing whatever it is I am fasting from, I get angry, or simply mope. This year, I have had moments of private fits of anger over things I want to do and cannot do. But, as during Lent, the unimportant and little things gradually become less important and I realize the importance of the two great commands: loving God and loving my neighbor. Nothing else lasts. Other things in this life that are important, such as healthcare, education, social justice, economic prosperity, etc., exist, or should exist, to do one or the other: love God and love our neighbor. And in a year when so many of my neighbors, those in the worldwide human community, are hurting, I am ready for it to be over. At the same time, I feel grateful for its lessons, for this chance to rest and let the important things come back into focus so that in the future, I can hopefully do a better job of loving God and loving my neighbor.

Letter to Washoe County School District Board of Trustees

Dear Board of Trustees,

My name is Melissa Bullard and I teach high school Spanish for WCSD. I want to thank you for your efforts to safely reopen our Washoe County schools. The challenges are unprecedented and there is no solution that will satisfy all parties involved; it is difficult to balance the risks from Covid-19 with the risks for our students' education since we are not able to proceed as normal. I have read over the presentation to the board and I have a few questions and suggestions. My perspective is that of a high school teacher (I teach Spanish) and a mother of elementary-school aged students.

First, I am in favor of the proposed model for two reasons: 1), because I do not believe that Covid poses a great risk to most elementary-aged children and 2), if I am going to do my job this year, I need child care for my daughters. Everything I have read seems to suggest (though it is not yet proven) that children contract Covid at lower rates, have fewer serious symptoms when they do contract it, and even seem less likely to transmit it to adults. (See https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/children.html, https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/in-depth/coronavirus-in-babies-and-children/art-20484405, https://www.statnews.com/2020/06/18/how-likely-are-kids-to-get-covid-19-scientists-see-a-huge-puzzle-without-easy-answers/, and https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/06/20/880983822/coronavirus-mystery-are-kids-less-likely-to-catch-it-than-adults-are.)

Additionally, while some lament that schools are used as child care in our country, the fact is that there are no systems in place that offer full-day childcare for kids my daughters' age. (Even if there were, I don't see how those would be advantageous because my daughters would still be around large groups of kids; it would simply be a different group of kids.) I am fortunate enough that if I cannot send my daughters to school, my husband's job could support us financially for a year and I could homeschool. Many teachers do not have that luxury, and if all teachers who have elementary-aged children at home quit their jobs to homeschool (or simply because it's better than hiring a full-time nanny), the District will have a severe teacher shortage this year.

Second, please consider whether there is a way that we can reopen in line with the proposed plan but allow teachers (as well as families) to opt in to a Distance-Learning-only model. Many of my colleagues are in higher-risk age categories, have autoimmune conditions that put them at greater risk, or simply feel the risk is too high. Could we not allow these teachers to opt in to leading and running Distance Learning? If you support their learning and training and give them time to adapt to a Distance Learning model, as well as any additional training they need to possibly expand their own knowledge (as they might have to teach subjects or grades that are not their original area of expertise), they would have a higher chance of being able to provide a high-quality education to students who are learning from home. Teachers who are uncomfortable returning to the classroom may retire early or move on to other jobs, and once again, we will have a severe teacher shortage.

Third, as you make plans, please be aware that we will need a way to recruit more substitute teachers and make attendance policies and teacher sick leave policies more lenient. My husband's job is such that if one of my kids gets sick, I will most likely have to be the one staying home with them. If the quarantine period is fourteen days (and I have two daughters), that means that if my daughters or I were to display symptoms of Covid-19 and I had to be out on sick leave, that could potentially be up to 42 days that I would take off as sick days. In the meantime, I could probably still help my students with their Distance Learning work, but I would be unable to teach at my school.

Fourth, although the proposed High School Learning model looks like the best option for students at this point, please be aware of what teachers can reasonably be expected to do. Page 51 of the proposed High School Learning Model states that for Distance Learning, "Instruction will be supported daily by qualified certified teachers." This is fine depending on what you mean by daily support; if daily support is a quick post on Teams to check in with students, a meaningful homework assignment to be collected and or graded later, and time spent briefly answering a few student emails, that is doable. However, if I am teaching my regularly-scheduled classes during the day (at half-capacity for student safety) and utilizing my normal prep period for planning instruction, grading and giving feedback on student work, participating in IEP meetings, answering emails, participating in PLC activities, etc., I will not be able to offer meaningful feedback or interact fully with my students who are doing Distance Learning for that day. Last time I checked, I have 163 students on my rosters for next year, meaning that for every day that I am teaching 80 or so kids in-person, I will also need to somehow engage the 80 or so online. It will not be possible to have meaningful interactions with all of them within contract hours, and grading, planning, implementing, emails, etc. already take several hours beyond my contract hours every day.

Fifth, on page 15 of the proposed model, under the "Safety & Health" category, it says "Staff may be asked to engage in duties not typically associated with their professional positions." What exactly does this mean? Typically, I already do spend some time wiping down often-touched surfaces with Clorox wipes or doing other minor cleaning that my room needs. But you are already asking the high school teachers to do additional Distance Learning work for a hybrid model and, as I mentioned before, my duties during a normal work week extend far beyond my contract hours every day. Asking teachers to also take over the work of custodians is not reasonable.

Sixth, if students 10 and over are required to wear masks, what will disciplinary policies be for students who arrive without a mask, refuse to wear a mask, repeatedly forget to put their mask on, wear it incorrectly (after instruction on how to wear it), etc.? There are a few students who become belligerent and disrupt the learning environment over minor issues, and teachers often bear the brunt of having to manage those issues, either because District policies or their school admin do not support the teacher's authority in the classroom. In this case, it is District and State authority that will be challenged, but teachers will be the ones enforcing the rules. How do you plan to support teachers as they deal with these students? If you don't issue real consequences swiftly, it sends the message that either A), the District doesn't actually care about student/teacher safety or B), the risk is not so great and therefore wearing masks isn't actually necessary in the school setting.

I know that you have an extremely difficult task ahead of you and please know that I am fully committed to learning and adapting to new models of teaching within what I am physically capable of doing and what is best for my family, and I know that many teachers feel the same way. But we will need support and flexibility from District Admin, just as we teachers must be supportive and flexible toward our students.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Melissa Bullard