This Will Not Last

Alexandra and I spend so much time together that there are moments when it feels like being toddler mommy to her is all I will ever do. Sometimes this feeling comes with delight, and other times it comes with despair. But there were a few times this week when the impermanence of my current reality struck me.

1) Alexandra was outgrowing her toddler shoes, so we got a new pair. These new shoes are so noticeably bigger than her first pair of "real" shoes that I can't help but be astounded at how much she's grown in such a short period of time. When I look at those new shoes, I realize that change and growth are an inevitable part of my life with her. Physically she is quite different from six months ago, and incredibly different from a year ago, and these changes will keep happening. She is not going to be my little girl forever.

2) I also notice changes as she becomes more expressive of her personality and desires. When she was younger, happiness was wherever Mommy was. This week, she got to spend several hours with each set of grandparents, and at the end of those times, the announcement that we were leaving their houses caused brief tears. She recovered fairly quickly, but it's a simple reminder that this stage of life is so impermanent. Right now she occasionally prefers the fun and undivided attention she gets at her grandparents' houses to cuddling with mommy (something that was unthinkable only a few months ago!). Later on, she will sometimes prefer toys, hobbies, and friends to me; mostly likely she will one day move out and start her own life, maybe getting married and forming a new family.

I can't know what the future holds for our family, but if all goes well, if all goes as we usually expect life to go, then this time of being mommy to some very dependent human beings will be over before I know it. I am so glad when God reminds me of the brevity of this stage.

It reminds me to really enjoy this time, because someday I will miss it.