Justice, the Kingdom, a Toddler, and What Could Have Been a Bad Day

One day last week, I was exhausted. The night before we had Bible study, so we were up later than normal, and since Alexandra was at childcare, she was up quite a bit later than normal. She's been waking up at 6:30 every morning, but I assumed that since she went to bed late, she would sleep in a little.

But that didn't happen. A little before 6:30, I heard her start calling: "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?"

Now, I've never been a morning person. No matter what time I wake up, it takes me a little bit (and usually some coffee and shower) before I feel ready to face the day or talk to anyone else. Most days Ian takes her downstairs and plays with her for a bit so I can read my Bible and write in my journal, two things that help me prepare for the day mentally and spiritually. But that day he had to leave really early and work late, so I knew that most of the day, it would be just me and Alexandra.

She wakes up full of gusto and energy, so even though I brought her into my bed, we didn't snuggle and doze together like in her pre-toddler days. She wiggled, jumped, kicked, and talked nonstop in one-word sentences about everything she did the day before and everything she wanted to do that day.

I made coffee and took a shower, but it didn't help. I still felt exhausted, and on top of that, grumpy and sulky and heavily pregnant (pun intended). The stretch of four or five hours until she (and I) would take a nap seemed like an eternity of doing little, unimportant things that I could not face.

However, our pastor has been preaching on the kingdom of God at church, and you can sign up for text messages that send reminders, verses, and mini-devotionals every couple of days. Of course I would like to live out the kingdom of God here on earth. I like to picture myself as a defender of the weak, voice of the voiceless, fighter for justice, generous giver, loving toward all mankind, etc. After I got out of the shower and tried to think of ways to survive until nap time, the last thing on my mind was how I could cheerfully serve and mentally engage with my toddler by doing the menial tasks of a stay-at-home wife and mom.

And then I got the text, which said, "In the Kingdom, the least find justice. How can you care for the least today? How does that change your thinking?"

That text, especially the second question, changed everything. Often, because Alexandra is so young and the things I do for her feel menial and repetitive, her demands and problems so simple, that I feel like I'm not accomplishing much. I love her, but I don't love all the things that I have to do to care for her and our home. But the idea of caring for the least implies doing even simple things, because it is those basic things that "the least" can't do for themselves. I recently read an article by Tim Keller in which he talked about the idea of Biblical justice simply as giving equitably to everyone in society, including the least powerful and most vulnerable, their due, "whether punishment or protection or care."

In God's eyes, everyone and their needs are equally important, and if your calling for the day is to provide for one person's simple needs, in God's value system, that is every bit as important as the person whose calling for the day might be doing tasks that seem more important, or who is serving several people instead of just one.

I realized that my tasks for that morning didn't have to be menial, and I was able to repent of my bad attitude and selfish focus. Staying at home with one baby girl was a chance to live out the Kingdom of God on earth. I could care for her and offer justice by providing for her the needs that she could not provide for herself.

(Click here to read "What Is Biblical Justice?" by Tim Keller.)

Potty Training...

The plan was to attempt to potty-train Alexandra after Christmas. I had no idea how successful she would be, because she is only nineteen months old. But she showed some signs of being ready, such as being very aware of her bodily functions and telling me while or after they were happening. I wasn't sure if she would be ready for the next step of anticipating them, but I figured that we could try and if she wasn't ready, we'd put it on hold for a few months. On the plus side, if she did get potty-trained, even just daytime potty-trained, that would mean fewer diapers, a real bonus when you think about her little sister arriving in just two months.

I made a plan, involving lots of praise, maybe some M&Ms, and trips to the potty every half-hour or so. I also prepared myself mentally for the fact that she might be too young. I would put in a lot of effort, but if she wasn't ready I would be fine and not frustrated, I told myself.

However, once Christmas was over, I found I kept putting it off. At first, I would just forget. Half-hours go by so fast when you have a toddler! When I would remember, it would be immediately before lunchtime. That was no good, because a hungry toddler can be cranky and desperate, and so can a hungry pregnant woman. Or it would be immediately before her (or these days, our) nap time, also a desperate time for a pregnant woman.

I thought it would be best to start potty-training when I would have several days in a row where I could be at home so it wouldn't be inconsistent. But we wanted to take advantage of end-of-the-year sales and Ian's time off to do some shopping for Alexandra's new "big-girl" bedroom. So even when I started remembering that I wanted to potty-train her, I really didn't want to have to rush Alexandra into public restrooms every half-hour.

And then, there was just the matter of being tired. After December (end of the semester, finals, grading, Christmas, New Year's, etc.) I was exhausted. There were times when I just couldn't bear the thought of going upstairs, as I hadn't set up her potty seat downstairs yet. Ian had a week off between Christmas and New Year's, and I discovered that what I really wanted to do was rest, or do fun things while we were at home as a family. In my mind, nothing that involves being on a strict time schedule is fun.

And I began to realize that even if she was ready to be potty-trained, I wasn't ready to potty-train her. I think for something like potty-training to work, especially this early, you've got to be on top of things. You've got to be dedicated and stick to it no matter how you're feeling, even if it's right before lunchtime or nap time. But I was so tired I couldn't even stand the thought of climbing the stairs to take her to her potty chair.

So... I gave up on the thought that I was going to potty-train my daughter in the first few weeks of January. And I was okay with it. Now that the hectic-ness of the holidays is over and we're getting back into a routine, we may try to potty-train her before KPB (her little sister) is born. But this time, I will take into consideration whether or not we're BOTH ready.