I Want My Brain Back

I've always been a little spacey. My husband would probably say that I am very spacey, but I'm not sure that being spacey and unobservant are the same thing. Anyway, I am already off my main point.

I became even more spacey when I was pregnant. It was like my brain was continually in a fog, and I would misplace things, forget appointments and anything in my schedule that was even slightly out of the ordinary, misspeak, and be unable to remember details, words I wanted to use, the last thing that was said to me, or the second half of the sentence I was in the middle of uttering.

Well, finally I wasn't pregnant anymore, and my brain seemed to emerge from its foggy surroundings, but unfortunately the spaceyness is just as bad as it was when I was pregnant. This is not due to surging, raging hormones, but rather to the lack of sleep and the fact that I'm now keeping track of details for two people instead of one. I don't feel like my mind is foggy, but rather that there are huge black gaps in my thoughts. I am still losing things, forgetting things, and trailing off in the middle of sentences while a smile slowly spreads across Ian's face and he finally repeats what I've said so far so I can remember where I was.

I became especially frustrated yesterday evening when I opened the cabinet, excited about my evening snack of a banana with some Nutella, and discovered a half-full gallon of milk in there. I don't remember having milk since my morning coffee (not that my memories mean much anymore), and the milk was room temperature, so I can only assume it sat there all day. I neither noticed the milk in the cabinet earlier nor noticed its absence in the refrigerator. And Ian doesn't drink milk, so unfortunately I had no hope of blaming him.

Ahhh (<--that's supposed to be a sigh). I can only hope that as I adjust more and more to motherhood, I will gradually recover the use of my brain and eliminate both the fog and the blank spots. Maybe my mom friends can give me hope that even if my mind never fully returns to normal, I can at least operate around my new levels of spaceyness.