Wednesday, June 29, 2011

On Doing Nothing


Sometimes I like being sick.

For example, yesterday I woke up with a cold and bad allergies. Usually I get up at 6:30, because that's when Alexandra likes to wake up and eat, but yesterday I got up briefly to feed her and then went back to bed and slept while she slept. I also took an early afternoon nap while she napped, then a late afternoon nap when Ian got home. I watched some movies and read more of Hebrews and Harry Potter, but other than that and caring for Alexandra, I didn't do much.

Normally this kind of day would drive me crazy, but feeling sick and needing to rest gave me an excuse to feel okay about doing nothing.

The most difficult adjustment I've had to being a mom is how little I get done on some days and how unpredictable my schedule can be. I started to realize within the first couple of weeks after she was born that I might not always be able to shower before noon or finish all the thank-you notes in one day or mop the floor as soon as I would like. I know the routine will come eventually, but in the meantime I have to put my agenda on hold.

I never realize how much I base my self-worth in completing tasks until I'm not getting anything done. Besides the tiredness of caring for a newborn, part of my "baby blues" included the feeling that I wasn't being productive. I experienced a similar sensation when my husband and I first moved to Iowa and I didn't have a job. It's fine to tell myself that my worth is based on being made in the image of God, in who I am and not what I do, but that's hard to believe when I think I'm not doing all the right things.

So again I'm learning the lesson that my worth is not found in society's measures of productiveness, which tend to value tasks and accomplishments over people and rest. And in reality I'm not doing nothing; I'm taking care of my baby!

But sometimes it's still nice to have a reason (such as being sick) to enjoy just holding my sleeping baby while I watch TV for an hour instead of thinking about what I should be doing.

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for all your hard work... Alexandra and I are really blessed to have so loving and godly a mother & wife. We love you :-)

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