Ian and I haven't really celebrated Valentine's Day the last couple years. I am usually down for any kind of celebration, and I remember wondering a few years ago why someone wouldn't want to celebrate Valentine's Day. I didn't want to become an old, married, unromantic couple. However, since we've had kids, things have changed. Valentine's Day just seems... unnecessary. A stereotypical Valentine's Day has little to do with the way our love has deepened.
Now, Valentine's Day IS special for us because it's an anniversary. It was Valentine's Day nine years ago when Ian left a single red rose and a Valentine's Day card (unsigned) on my car windshield. I discovered the gifts when I went outside to my parents' driveway to leave for sociolinguistics class. There were, in my mind, two guys who might have left the rose for me, and Ian was one. I really hoped it was him. I really hoped it wasn't the other guy.
Even though he was part of the group that had dinner later at In-N-Out and then went to see Hitch at the theater, I was afraid to ask him about it and be disappointed, so I didn't find out who it was for a few days. However, that was the start of being more than just friends, so Valentine's Day is special to me in that way. That memory lights up my soul. But last year, I was the one who suggested not celebrating in the traditional ways, because at this stage of our relationship, cards, flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or other gifts on a specific date of the year are not the primary ways that I feel love from him.
Nowadays, I know he loves me because he works sixty hours a week to support our family.
Nowadays, the four dollars I spend on a mocha when he stays home with the girls to give me time alone at the coffee shop means more than four dollars for a fancy card (although I do love the sweet things he writes on cards).
Nowadays, I'd rather he buy organic berries for our daughters than a box of chocolates for me.
Nowadays, I'd rather have a date night with him than jewelry or other gifts. I'd rather sit on our living room floor after the girls go to bed, eating cheese and drinking wine, than get earrings or necklaces or bracelets.
Nowadays, he says "I love you" by straightening up the house rather than by bringing home flowers, even though after working those sixty hours, the flowers would be a lot easier.
Our culture's view of romance promotes the idea that if you love someone, you will spend a lot of money on them and do out-of-the-ordinary things for them (and little special things aren't enough; the grander the romantic gesture, the more romantic it's thought to be). Many brag about husbands who bring home flowers every month, while not many brag about a husband who washes the dishes every evening. And I guess last year, we just decided that the time and money spent on a traditional Valentine's Day celebration wouldn't make either of us feel more loved.
I'm not saying there's necessarily anything wrong with celebrating a relationship according to stereotypical Valentine's rituals. Ian is surprisingly romantic, and I do appreciate that he brings me roses occasionally and gives me free jewelry that he gets from the store where he bought my engagement ring. (That may sound unromantic, but if you know how cheap I am, you know there's nothing I like more than a nice gift he didn't spend money on.) But all in all, the sacrifices he makes and his everyday love and patience mean more than Valentine's Day gifts.
He did give me a card this year, which was a total surprise (and definitely welcome). Maybe someday we'll go back to our traditional celebrations, but for now, I'm actually very content being that old, married, "unromantic" couple that doesn't celebrate, because nowadays, I've got a different view of romance.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Living the Dream: Baking Edition
Sometimes your dreams come true and you don't even realize at first what's going on, because real life looks different from your dream and takes more patience. (This is surprising and a little disconcerting when you never realized before having kids how impatient you actually were.)
I love baking, and growing up I always thought that if I had a daughter, one of the most fun things I could do would be to teach her how to bake. I guess I pictured that maybe she would be about six or seven years old, and we would talk about cups, teaspoons, and tablespoons, and she would measure out flour, sugar, salt, molasses, cinnamon, etc., and I would show her how to use my KitchenAid mixer and the finer points of each of its attachments. It was always very formal in my mind. I don't know why; maybe it's because I'm an idealist, and experiences are always wrapped up in nice, neat, perfect packages in my imagination.
About a month ago (three and a half years earlier than in my mind), Alexandra decided she wanted to help me in the kitchen. And I realized that teaching her, passing on life skills, probably wasn't going to be about formal teaching much of the time. It was going to be about spending time with her and enjoying letting her do things with me. (The enjoyment is important, because who wants to work/learn with a cranky, impatient parent?)
Baking with Alexandra is slow. It's slow because I have to drag a chair over to let her stand on to wash her hands, and also to work at the counter. It's slow because she can't measure things out yet; I measure ingredients and let her dump them in the bowl. If it's a liquid ingredient, I usually have to help her pour it in, either because it's heavy enough that she can't quite lift it on her own, or because she doesn't yet know how to pour liquid at a speed where it won't just dribble down its original container or splash out of the bowl and make a huge mess. It's slow because I have to watch her carefully and correct some of the things she wants to do ("No, we can't put the mixed dry ingredients back in the sugar bag." "We only need to crack two eggs, not three." "No, we shouldn't shake all the milk off the whisk when we're done using it."). It's slow because since she's only two-and-a-half years old, I don't let her use the sharp utensils and I need to make sure she's paying attention and not going to fall off the chair. And even though she can recite all the dangers of a hot stove-top to me, of course I watch her like a hawk when she's stirring a simmering pot.
Also I don't like cleaning up large messes. So it's slow because I'm trying to help her learn to be neat along the way... Just being honest.
But last night, we made cinnamon-raisin bread together. We went slowly, and I gave her many little tasks that she could handle on her own, and helped her with other tasks that took a little more finesse. I didn't worry about how slow we were going and how there was going to be more of mess than usual to clean up at the end. My little girl wanted to help me bake, and as we worked together, I realized that I was living my dream: Bit by bit, just by being myself and her being herself and letting her help me in any way she can, I am passing on life skills to my child.
And probably the most rewarding thing was when we were done and she was in bed, Ian said to me, "You should have seen her face. She was so happy to be helping Mommy make cinnamon-raisin bread."
I hadn't been looking at her face, because I was watching her hands and the recipe and my own hands. But that comment, added to the obvious pride she felt this morning when we pulled the bread out of the oven and she ate a breakfast that she helped make with her own two hands, confirmed that whenever it's possible, I should most definitely slow down and let my little girl help me.
I love baking, and growing up I always thought that if I had a daughter, one of the most fun things I could do would be to teach her how to bake. I guess I pictured that maybe she would be about six or seven years old, and we would talk about cups, teaspoons, and tablespoons, and she would measure out flour, sugar, salt, molasses, cinnamon, etc., and I would show her how to use my KitchenAid mixer and the finer points of each of its attachments. It was always very formal in my mind. I don't know why; maybe it's because I'm an idealist, and experiences are always wrapped up in nice, neat, perfect packages in my imagination.
About a month ago (three and a half years earlier than in my mind), Alexandra decided she wanted to help me in the kitchen. And I realized that teaching her, passing on life skills, probably wasn't going to be about formal teaching much of the time. It was going to be about spending time with her and enjoying letting her do things with me. (The enjoyment is important, because who wants to work/learn with a cranky, impatient parent?)
Baking with Alexandra is slow. It's slow because I have to drag a chair over to let her stand on to wash her hands, and also to work at the counter. It's slow because she can't measure things out yet; I measure ingredients and let her dump them in the bowl. If it's a liquid ingredient, I usually have to help her pour it in, either because it's heavy enough that she can't quite lift it on her own, or because she doesn't yet know how to pour liquid at a speed where it won't just dribble down its original container or splash out of the bowl and make a huge mess. It's slow because I have to watch her carefully and correct some of the things she wants to do ("No, we can't put the mixed dry ingredients back in the sugar bag." "We only need to crack two eggs, not three." "No, we shouldn't shake all the milk off the whisk when we're done using it."). It's slow because since she's only two-and-a-half years old, I don't let her use the sharp utensils and I need to make sure she's paying attention and not going to fall off the chair. And even though she can recite all the dangers of a hot stove-top to me, of course I watch her like a hawk when she's stirring a simmering pot.
Also I don't like cleaning up large messes. So it's slow because I'm trying to help her learn to be neat along the way... Just being honest.
But last night, we made cinnamon-raisin bread together. We went slowly, and I gave her many little tasks that she could handle on her own, and helped her with other tasks that took a little more finesse. I didn't worry about how slow we were going and how there was going to be more of mess than usual to clean up at the end. My little girl wanted to help me bake, and as we worked together, I realized that I was living my dream: Bit by bit, just by being myself and her being herself and letting her help me in any way she can, I am passing on life skills to my child.
And probably the most rewarding thing was when we were done and she was in bed, Ian said to me, "You should have seen her face. She was so happy to be helping Mommy make cinnamon-raisin bread."
I hadn't been looking at her face, because I was watching her hands and the recipe and my own hands. But that comment, added to the obvious pride she felt this morning when we pulled the bread out of the oven and she ate a breakfast that she helped make with her own two hands, confirmed that whenever it's possible, I should most definitely slow down and let my little girl help me.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Why I Don't Get Tired of Christmas Music
I love Christmastime, and I'm thankful for it. Not because I like shopping (I hate it) or coming up with gifts (I've never been very good at it and the selection process makes me terribly insecure). I like decorating for Christmas, but that's just because the colors and sparkles are beautiful and it's hard to mess it up. Christmas treats are a short-lived joy, because they are amazing but always end with a sugar crash.
No, my favorite thing about Christmas is the Christmas music. I like many of the sentimental, ambience- and tradition-minded songs, including "White Christmas" and "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." But the songs that I love most are the old Christmas hymns that are full of Gospel truths and constantly being re-interpreted by various artists and played everywhere at Christmastime.
Even though my secular, consumption-minded culture has usurped much of the holiday, you can catch glimmers of its original meaning in those Christmas songs played on the radio. They may just be a holiday tradition for some people, but if you pay attention, really pay attention, to the lyrics, it's like you're hearing the best, most poetic sermons set to music, played everywhere. You can be driving in your car or walking around the store, getting groceries or toilet paper or gifts, and in the background your hear Biblical truths about Jesus and His Kingdom:
These songs are replete with truth and hope, which is something I always need; even when I don't realize that I am drained, hearing the Good News is the best refreshment for a weary soul and the best reminder of what's really important in life. And if you get tired of a particular musical interpretation, there are always new versions coming out, once again making these truths sound as enjoyable and remarkable as they actually are.
And it's everywhere at Christmastime. Listen for it.
No, my favorite thing about Christmas is the Christmas music. I like many of the sentimental, ambience- and tradition-minded songs, including "White Christmas" and "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." But the songs that I love most are the old Christmas hymns that are full of Gospel truths and constantly being re-interpreted by various artists and played everywhere at Christmastime.
Even though my secular, consumption-minded culture has usurped much of the holiday, you can catch glimmers of its original meaning in those Christmas songs played on the radio. They may just be a holiday tradition for some people, but if you pay attention, really pay attention, to the lyrics, it's like you're hearing the best, most poetic sermons set to music, played everywhere. You can be driving in your car or walking around the store, getting groceries or toilet paper or gifts, and in the background your hear Biblical truths about Jesus and His Kingdom:
- The miracle of the Incarnation ("Veiled in flesh the Godhead see" "See within a manger laid Jesus, Lord of heaven and earth!" )
- The identity of Jesus (King and God and Sacrifice, symbolized in the Wise Men's three gifts) ("Born a King on Bethlehem's plain; gold I bring to crown Him again" "Frankincense to offer have I; incense owns a Deity nigh" "Myrrh is mine, its bitter perfume breathes a life of gathering gloom. / Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying, sealed in the stone-cold tomb.")
- Jesus took the punishment our sins earn us ("with His blood mankind hath bought.")
- Jesus gives us a relationship with God ("God and sinners reconciled!")
- Jesus restores us back to God's original design ("No more let sin and sorrow grow, nor thorns infest the ground. / He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse is found...")
- Jesus frees us from the sin and struggles within us ("Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day / To save us all from Satan's power when we were gone astray.")
- Jesus teaches us how we are to love others ("His gospel is peace. / Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother / and in His name, all oppression shall cease.")
- Jesus prays for us ("...for sinners here the Silent Word is pleading.")
- Jesus is the Way to the Kingdom of God, both now and in the future ("He has opened heaven's door and man is blessed forevermore")
These songs are replete with truth and hope, which is something I always need; even when I don't realize that I am drained, hearing the Good News is the best refreshment for a weary soul and the best reminder of what's really important in life. And if you get tired of a particular musical interpretation, there are always new versions coming out, once again making these truths sound as enjoyable and remarkable as they actually are.
And it's everywhere at Christmastime. Listen for it.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Pumpkin Walnut Scones Recipe
I love the pumpkin scones from Starbucks. Love, love, love them. And this fall, it seems like I cannot get enough pumpkin.
However, I can't afford to go to Starbucks that often, and I'm trying to eliminate most sugar from my diet. I had made some whole-wheat vegan scones before, but they were always a little dry, even if I substituted butter for the applesauce or whole milk for the almond milk. They never satisfied my craving for a sweet, Starbucks-like pumpkin scone. So I decided to play around with recipes I had and see if I could achieve something that would be pumpkin-y and sweet without actually having a lot of sugar.
Voilà! Success! I've made these scones twice now and they came out amazing both times. They are soft and delicious and moist (as much as I hate that word, it's accurate here, in the good way). They are also pretty healthy, considering they're scones. I think the difference was made by using spelt flour instead of regular whole-wheat flour, and also having the walnuts ground into the flour.
Also, they are quickly-made, especially if you have a food processor. I supposed it would be possible to make them if you had a pastry cutter and some kind of spice grinder for the walnuts, but the food processor makes it quick and easy.
So, without further ado, here's the recipe:
1) Into your food processor, dump the following dry, spice, and fat ingredients:
2) Run the food processor for about twenty seconds, or until the walnuts and butter have been well-ground into the dry ingredients and the whole mixture looks a little like wet sand.
3) Dump the flour mixture into a bowl and add the following:
4) Mix wet ingredients into dry ones. (I've found a couple stirs with a spoon help get things started, and then I use my hands to really get the pumpkin to absorb.)
5) Shape the dough into a circle about a half-inch thick, then place on an ungreased cookie sheet. Cut the circle into eight triangles. Your uncooked scones should look like this, except a little darker because this was an attempt where I forgot the spices and had to sprinkle cinnamon over the top later:
However, I can't afford to go to Starbucks that often, and I'm trying to eliminate most sugar from my diet. I had made some whole-wheat vegan scones before, but they were always a little dry, even if I substituted butter for the applesauce or whole milk for the almond milk. They never satisfied my craving for a sweet, Starbucks-like pumpkin scone. So I decided to play around with recipes I had and see if I could achieve something that would be pumpkin-y and sweet without actually having a lot of sugar.
Voilà! Success! I've made these scones twice now and they came out amazing both times. They are soft and delicious and moist (as much as I hate that word, it's accurate here, in the good way). They are also pretty healthy, considering they're scones. I think the difference was made by using spelt flour instead of regular whole-wheat flour, and also having the walnuts ground into the flour.
Also, they are quickly-made, especially if you have a food processor. I supposed it would be possible to make them if you had a pastry cutter and some kind of spice grinder for the walnuts, but the food processor makes it quick and easy.
So, without further ado, here's the recipe:
1) Into your food processor, dump the following dry, spice, and fat ingredients:
- 1 cup whole-wheat spelt flour
- 1 cup all-purpose flour
- 2-3 tablespoons brown sugar (they are good both ways, just a touch sweeter with 3 tablespoons)
- 1 tablespoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 tablespoon cinnamon
- A sprinkle of ginger and nutmeg each
- A tiny pinch of cloves
- 4 tablespoons butter, cold and cut into small cubes
- 1/2 cup walnuts (I've been cooking with raw sprouted walnuts; they may not have to be sprouted, but I would definitely use raw walnuts)
2) Run the food processor for about twenty seconds, or until the walnuts and butter have been well-ground into the dry ingredients and the whole mixture looks a little like wet sand.
3) Dump the flour mixture into a bowl and add the following:
- 1/4 cup almond milk
- 3/4 cup pumpkin
4) Mix wet ingredients into dry ones. (I've found a couple stirs with a spoon help get things started, and then I use my hands to really get the pumpkin to absorb.)
5) Shape the dough into a circle about a half-inch thick, then place on an ungreased cookie sheet. Cut the circle into eight triangles. Your uncooked scones should look like this, except a little darker because this was an attempt where I forgot the spices and had to sprinkle cinnamon over the top later:
6) Bake for 10-12 minutes at 450 degrees (I set my oven to 440, because it always runs a bit hot).
7) Let rest on the cookie sheet for five to ten minutes before serving.
Unfortunately, I do not have food styling skills, so the pictures I tried to take of the finished product didn't look that good. The scones did, however, taste VERY good, so if you're craving pumpkin, try the recipe... Let me know what you think and whether you make any adjustments of your own to increase the tastiness!
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Thankful for Thankfulness
This will be my first year participating in the "30 Days of Thankfulness" tradition on Facebook. I am starting a day late, having spent yesterday debating whether or not I would participate. This is no surprise to those of you who know how indecisive I am and how much I hate commitment.
But I decided to participate after all, for two reasons: first, I am going to try to use a lot of pictures instead of descriptions. I tend to get wordy with descriptions, and when I get wordy then I always self-edit, and when I know there will be editing involved I procrastinate, because I am a perfectionist.
Second, there are simply a lot of things for which I am truly thankful these days.
Gratefulness is not my heart's state as often as I would like. Too many times busy-ness makes me forget to feel grateful, or the routine of life makes me take good things for granted, or my inner, entitled ideal of what my life should be likes makes me focus on what I don't have and the little things going wrong, rather than the many things that are going well.
But over the last month, God has been working on my heart. I have been studying grace and growing in my appreciation for it, and I have been studying Jesus and growing in my love for Him. These are things I am grateful for, and somehow in the midst of them, God has been helping me to feel more thankful for a variety of things.
I have been feeling that inner peace and thankfulness that you can't fake or drum up. Prayer and reflection can lead to gratefulness, but with the two baby girls, I don't have as much time as I would like for those disciplines. I can't sit and read my Bible for an hour, and journal my way to gratefulness; many times, all I have is a few minutes to pray for my family and ask God both for gratefulness and to be reminded to pray throughout the day. Over the last month, God has been faithful to answer my prayers for a thankful heart. It's not natural to me, and it's not something I can earn. I still have many stressed, angry, irritable, ungrateful, entitled, selfish moments throughout the day, but the Holy Spirit keeps speaking truth to me, which gives me perspective and reminds me of God's goodness to me.
This grateful feeling is a gift from Him, and I am truly joyful that He is helping me see how much of a gift it is. So, for day one, I am thankful that God is making me thankful.
But I decided to participate after all, for two reasons: first, I am going to try to use a lot of pictures instead of descriptions. I tend to get wordy with descriptions, and when I get wordy then I always self-edit, and when I know there will be editing involved I procrastinate, because I am a perfectionist.
Second, there are simply a lot of things for which I am truly thankful these days.
Gratefulness is not my heart's state as often as I would like. Too many times busy-ness makes me forget to feel grateful, or the routine of life makes me take good things for granted, or my inner, entitled ideal of what my life should be likes makes me focus on what I don't have and the little things going wrong, rather than the many things that are going well.
But over the last month, God has been working on my heart. I have been studying grace and growing in my appreciation for it, and I have been studying Jesus and growing in my love for Him. These are things I am grateful for, and somehow in the midst of them, God has been helping me to feel more thankful for a variety of things.
I have been feeling that inner peace and thankfulness that you can't fake or drum up. Prayer and reflection can lead to gratefulness, but with the two baby girls, I don't have as much time as I would like for those disciplines. I can't sit and read my Bible for an hour, and journal my way to gratefulness; many times, all I have is a few minutes to pray for my family and ask God both for gratefulness and to be reminded to pray throughout the day. Over the last month, God has been faithful to answer my prayers for a thankful heart. It's not natural to me, and it's not something I can earn. I still have many stressed, angry, irritable, ungrateful, entitled, selfish moments throughout the day, but the Holy Spirit keeps speaking truth to me, which gives me perspective and reminds me of God's goodness to me.
This grateful feeling is a gift from Him, and I am truly joyful that He is helping me see how much of a gift it is. So, for day one, I am thankful that God is making me thankful.
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